mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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