You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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