The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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