She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
