NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
