Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
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