Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
