I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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