Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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