we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Please don't give away my fajitas
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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