We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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