You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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