dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I have already put on my inside pants.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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