i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Sex in the backyard? Check.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
