The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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