If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
