With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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