THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I am mentally ready for anal.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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