I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
