the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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