You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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