I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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