I'm jealous of your bromance
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
