I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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