wat bout pragnant strippers??
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
nutella sex= disaster
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
