fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
