I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
