Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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