Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
