my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
