Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
