Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
