don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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