Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
