he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Sext me about skeletons
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
