Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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