Three words: puerto rican gang bang
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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