I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
