i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
