Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
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I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
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You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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