he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
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Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
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Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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