If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
