I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
God gave him joint rollers for hands
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
