i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
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you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
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In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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