We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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