Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
