i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
