They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize