So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
