I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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