I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
