Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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