hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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