Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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