When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
