Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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