She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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